Fun

"No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done."

Office Mathematics

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Only in Da Pilipins

In an interview for US visa.
Q: What's the difference between select and choose?
A: Select is when you pick out something
Q: But what about choose?
A: Oh, choose? That is what we Filipinos wear on our feet!